In my experience, probably the most popular reason of a conflict is when someone (apparently unaware of what's important and what's not, or, worse, having his or her own opinion about the matter) tries to push their agenda, thus putting your interests in danger. That's what missionary's complex feels and looks like.
I don't know why (and probably the origin is not that important here, unless we regard a problem from neuropsychophysiological point of view) people (we) sometimes tend to feel their (our) job as a kind of a mission. It may be good when we want a good motivation. It is not that good when we need a team to function harmoniously. Meaning, if not altogether without a conflict, but at least without coming to a halt due to unresolvable contradictions between its members.
Personally I don't think viewing whatever you do as a mission is a good thing, because of it's close connection with pain and sacrifice, and other semi-religious things that to me seem to be really unpleasant. I don't like unpleasant things. I like enjoyable things. I want my job to be fun and pleasure, and I'm sure that pain and sacrifice are not the only way to have a meaningful life. (According to some theories I either heard of myself or just made them up -- not sure about that -- people hurt themselves and others exactly for that reason -- to have the meaning of life under control).
When I went to a drama school for the amateurs, and later, when I was going through one of my depression episodes, I learned something funny about the mind-body connection. It turned out that it was not just external circumstances that make you feel the certain way. There was also a way to control how you see those circumstances through your body. And one of these tools was a smile. I'm not going to elaborate on this, because there are plenty of books and articles on the subject to anybody's taste. But it's worth mentioning that one day it helped me to discover that I'm actually surrounded by people that are very much like me. And it improved my relationships with those people and the world in general a great deal.
Smiling seems to help you relax and relaxing seems to take a mission sting out of your (brain? soul? emotional pain centers whatever that means?) You start seeing people in a more friendly way, they start to say sensible things you can actually benefit from, and it becomes possible to enjoy everybody's company. Sometimes, it seems, it is possible to turn a drudgery of something that is forced upon you (by yourself or by your circumstances) into a game. Key thing about a game is it is an activity that is completely voluntary by it's nature. And, as such, produces no resistance (and, when it comes to work or any other human activity, no procrastination or self-sabotage).
No, I'm not going to throw a baby out with the bathwater. When you have a project with set goals and time limits, it is important to keep a balance between spontaneity of a game and focusing on a goal. Practice proves that bending too much in either direction won't be good either for you or for your project. And being able to achieve a result at the end of your project is a fulfilling experience in itself which is important. (On the down side, it is often used as an excuse for expressing your missionary's complex and application of mission-style approach to project management, which I don't like).
And, of course, smiling is not a silver bullet, but learning this simple rule sometimes helps you get out of an entanglement, especially when you are up to the ears and lost all the sense of direction. In any case, smiling is better than not smiling. And it is always possible that everything is going to be good contrary to your expectations and gut feelings.
No comments:
Post a Comment